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Frequently Masked Questions

Posted in LIFE IN GENERAL / RANDOM RAMBLINGS with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 5, 2011 by erikball123

Today I mourn with hundreds of Faith students, parents and teachers at the tragic, unexpected passing of one of my students. She died in an accident while on vacation. We just started the new school year…and already my heart is heavy and I’m kinda mad at myself, because I find myself (in my efforts to make sense of all of this) questioning my own mortality. I suppose that’s a natural knee-jerk reaction. But, I’m mad because I feel like “how dare you focus on YOU at a time like this!”I suppose when tragedy occurs, the coming together of friends and family is what gives us peace. It centers our focus so that we may commiserate together. I look forward to a tough Tuesday as we head back to school.

For the record, this young lady was a student in my class…a hard-working, creative, clever, fun-loving beam of sunshine in my every day. I loved that she considered herself unique and had a will of steel. She was determined, she loved her friends and she never hesitated to stop me in the hall for a hug. On top of all of this, she loved her Lord, and I can sleep at night knowing she’s with her Father in heaven right now.

I remember when I was a freshman in college and my parents got divorced…I got so angry. I prided myself in having a great family life and this particular bomb, just blind-sided me. I couldn’t forgive my father for walking out. “This decision was obviously fueled by a mid-life crisis situation and a desire to find happiness”…I kept telling myself. How dare he be so selfish. I have always said, and I will continue to say, you create your own happiness. I was so angry at my dad for giving up on us.

Flash forward to today and the current tragedy…I continue to struggle with the question “why?”…I find myself in a similar spot. I’ve always said (from an ignorant Lutheran’s point of view) that it is okay to question God. It’s okay to go to God in anger, fear, resentment, frustration and sadness. Questioning is okay…so long as you DON’T STOP looking for the answer. That’s why I love God’s style. It’s a selfish man who demands results RIGHT NOW…but a caring, contemplative man who is willing to wait for the answer to unfold over time. God’s blessing of free will and patience is something I take for granted, especially when I want something. I want answers about this young lady’s death. The same investigative mind-set is snooping Facebook searching for details. (I had to physically shut my computer off in order to knock some sense into myself.) The bottom line…this tragic accident shouldn’t have happened to such a wonderful person, and I’m angry. At first I thought…you know what, it’s out of our hands, it’s God’s will. But you know something. That’s not right. God’s will does not include brilliant 16-year to die a tragic death. In Genesis, God didn’t want people to die. It wasn’t until Satan stuck his nose into things that the first tragedy occurred. It’s NOT God’s will. I’ll tell you what it is….it’s God’s PROMISE, that no matter what the devil does to us…no matter what tragedy befalls us…if we trust in the Lord and we know with our mind and our hearts that Jesus is the only way to heaven…then we will be saved.

There’s a cheesy moment in the movie “White Christmas” when Bing Crosby and what’s-her-face is sitting around a fireplace guzzling buttermilk and singing about how we should all count our blessings. I’ve never tried to actually sit down and count my blessings. I tried. First and foremost…hand-writing a list is something I haven’t done in a while! (Welcome to the age of technology!) I got to about #54 before stopping and thinking….this could go ON AND ON! There is a never-ending amount of blessings that we should all sit back and think about. Little ones, like my dog, the roof over my head, my car with working air conditioning, a job to look forward to every day, clothes on my back, food in my stomach and an amazing wife who I get to share life with. There are blessings we forget about…like my friend Joel in NY, who throughout all his schooling and travels and spunky, care-free nature, still takes time to reflect how none of it is possible without the Lord. He’s what I call a “secret witness.” Or even, the beautiful children being born every day! Or the beautiful people of this world who so desperately want to have children, but cannot. Silly things, like television shows that make us laugh. That songs we play over and over again on our iPods that makes us feel “normal” again. The feeling of peace and quiet that moment just before you fall asleep at night. The hot shower that soothes your aching, aging bones. The friend who does something nice for you (like, bringing you a Starbucks!)…or that Grandparent who still drops a letter in the mail for you every now and then.

I could go on and on. I cannot begin to tell you all the things I have to be thankful for…that I take for granted every day. Walking the halls of Faith Lutheran, I look into the eyes of hundreds of students. Students with goals, and dreams, and hopes and fears. I guess what’s hardest about all of this, is the fact that God’s plan is not necessarily laid out for us to interpret. I suppose it’s not expected of us to understand God’s will.

I think I need to study up. I feel myself confusing God’s perfect will with something else…a “Just Do It” or “Trust No One’s” soceity that tells us…”oh well, it’s God’s will.” God has bigger better plans for us. Those plans do not include accidents that claim people’s lives. I can trust that this young lady’s faith in Christ has delivered her to her Father, and that the devil has lost this one.

I guess that’s what I’m struggling with. I’m a power-hungry, control freak…who has to trust in God enough to relinquish control of this situation. To put this (like all my doubts, fears and frustrations) in God’s hands. I’ll try.

To the parents of this young lady…God’s blessings to you. I promise I will continue to pray for you and your family. I will not, even remotely, attempt to try and understand the grief you are experiencing. But I will say this…your daughter was beloved on earth, as she is beloved by our Father in heaven. I will miss her terribly.

Just so you know…my dad and I did make up. It wasn’t too long before I thought to myself, “well, you can’t stop loving your father simply because you can’t understand or, rather get-over a situation.” We talked it out. (It was rough at first.) Down the road he remarried. She a very nice woman. (Her name is Chene…I call them “the old Ball and Chene!” He hates that. It makes me laugh.) But, we do talk, and he and I have a very respectable, loving relationship now. I may not ever truly understand why he decided to get the divorce, but part of life is taking the good and the bad…wrapping it up tight in your head, praying about it…and then attempting to generate something productive with it. I think that’s what God wants us to do.

I will continue to try and do that with both of these situations.

Everyone needs a father, especially in times of struggle. Rest peacefully, knowing that you always do…and He always has an answer…whether you fully understand the questions or not.

Psalm 18:2  “The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

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“…UNTIL THEN, WE’LL HAVE TO MUDDLE THROUGH SOME HOW.”

Posted in FAITH, FAMILY and FUN, LIFE IN GENERAL / RANDOM RAMBLINGS with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on December 19, 2008 by erikball123
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Outside the Faith Lutheran Chapel / Performing Arts Center - Dec. 18, 2008

I wonder if non-believers of Christ handle fragile, glass Christmas tree ornaments with the same “in heaven’s name, don’t even BREATHE…or it may break-like” care as they do their equally fragile, and (some would argue) sensitive beliefs? I betcha they break a few. I also bet…when they do, they simply thrown them away and buy some more.

That’s what is comes down to, isn’t it? A secular Christmas. At least it is for those who have a problem with the inclusion of a religious symbol, a Christmas Carol or even a simple “Merry Christmas.”  Some passers-by are as droopy as the Charlie Brown Christmas tree. And what about those who sit comfortably in their chairs at home watching A Charlie Brown Christmas? If they decide they don’t approve of Linus taking center stage….they don’t simply sit, endure and complain. No, no, no! They simply press a button and change it to something else, that appeals to their liking.

Christmas is becoming a private holiday that we have to celebrate behind closed doors in order to avoid offending anyone. I mean…it’s “JOY TO THE WORLD” not “joy to those who believe exactly what I do, and appropriately demonstrate it through worship and outward like-mindedness.” That doesn’t have the same snappy ring to it, does it?

It’s as if every cry of “Joy to the World” is accompanied by an  icy snowball in the face of those not wanting to receive it. What’s the matter with proclaiming JOY at the coming of our Savior? Even if you don’t believe in my Lord…what’s the matter with wanting to spread JOY? If you don’t even want that…you can hit the mute button, you know, or change the channel.

Thirty of  my students (the school’s drama troupe) and I wanted to spread the joy and sing carols at a local BORDERS bookstore before sipping cocoa and sending each other off for the Christmas Break. The store we wanted to offer our sleigh-driven merriment was a big BORDERS bookstore located in an area 2 miles from the school next to a BEST BUY and a BED, BATH and BEYOND. A perfect place to fa-la-la-la-la while freezing our freshman fingers off, I thought. We spoke with the manager (and for his protection, we’ll call him Penjamin) who told us that because “only a small amount of Border’s customers are of the Christian faith, we’d be upsetting the others” and he turned us away. (Let’s just forget the fact that the last poll I read marks 82% of U.S. Citizens claiming to be Christian.)

Even after we offered to include secular songs into our “play list” (who doesn’t like a rousing offering of FROSTY THE SNOWMAN, my niece’s favorite.) still, no dice.  I guess the fine print his mission statement includes: No Manger, No Menorah, No….whatever Kwanzaa peeps believe….No Lawsuit. He said that Borders is “very concerned about potentially offending their customers,” but they continue to sell ANY book to ANY person, ANY time. A contradiction, some may say. I found it even more interesting when I visited the Borders website that on the front page there is a large section highlighting the Christmas and Christian books. Under shipping there are several options to get your order there BY CHRISTMAS. And under the staff picks…I found a variety of Christmas CDs and books. Other religious-based offerings were shockingly missing.

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Located on the front page of BORDERS.COM - Dec. 18, 2008

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BORDERS Shipping Options - From Website: Dec. 18, 2008

Granted…I’m sure Penjamin (Santa’s little helper working inventory on the second shift), doesn’t speak for Borders world-wide and I don’t hate Borders…per se. I was just disappointed.  I can’t help but hope that there are businesses, companies, and individuals who still wear their “Merry Christmas” on the sleeve of their coat, laced through their coats arms like mom used to thread our mittens so that we don’t lose them.  But then, my question is, why do people continue to bury their heads in the ground when faced with religion? With all the holiday buzzing and running here and there all around the square…why do people only pause a moment to holler “STOP?”

Wasn’t it Tiny Tim (Dickens, not ukulele) that said he hoped that people would see that he was crippled so that it would help them remember who made the lame beggars walk and blind men see? Why should we be any different? Shouldn’t we be walking, living, breathing examples of the saving grace of Christ? Are we all JUST AS CRIPPLED as poor Tim? Even Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree was transformed when a bunch of people CARED for it.

“Even Charlie Brown’s Christmas tree was transformed when a bunch of people CARED for it.”

Why should anyone else have a say in it? By law there is nothing unconstitutional about displaying religious symbols (I looked it up), and I can’t imagine any non-Christian grabbing a torch and leading a movement to replace the pluralistic Mall-of-America with a secular one. It would be too much work. Then again, so is getting up out of our chairs to change the channel, right? Without the remote, we’re lost.

I want people, young and old, good and bad, frozen as an icicle or warm as a chestnut…to know who my God is. I want them to see that there is a hope of salvation through Jesus Christ…and I want that joy to be the fire that ignites their Christmas spirit.

Did you know that we can all enjoy EGG NOG year ’round? Sure! I know, I’ve seen it in the stores. We don’t need Christmas to come around to sprinkle the nutmeg. “Joy to the World, the Lord has come!” is a call to action. A battle cry! A prayer. A mission statement. A comfort. A reminder. And that sort of thing doesn’t just come around once a year.

We had snow in Vegas yesterday. Lots. Today school was canceled and I celebrated my first Vegas “snow day.” (I also spotted a winged pig in the air too! Ha!) I sat at home looking at the snow falling steadily thinking, “I would have never thought this could happen.” (Then I turned over and went back to sleep!)

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When I woke back up and thought about it…I was reminded that when the Lord comes again…we won’t expect it. There is no Weather Channel that forecasts the coming of Christ.  That moment will surprise us…then we’ll all have to stop for a snow day.

So, why should we allow those that are too busy dealing with economy ruin our Christmas? Why should we let those afraid of minor, potential backlash cancel our merriment? Why should we let things like the weather, the gift-buying, the travel, the unsettled family matters….the hurt, the resentment, the hate….the fear…..why should we let that SNUFF out Christmas, like Scrooge extinguished the Ghost of Christmas Past? We shouldn’t. Ignorance is fleeting…passions soar…emotions run deep…and like any director tells his/her ensemble of actors, “you’ll never appease every audience member.”

Should we force those with equally wet Uggs and frost-bitten agendas to sit, hear, and learn the story of the Christ child? We should want to, I suppose. We should offer, I bet. We should try, I know. But, as sinful beings I suppose we can ONLY try. In the meantime, instead of stirring waters and challenging the boundaries of any store manager’s “borders”….I’ll don my Merry Christmas hat…stand tall….remember the reason for the season….and take my kids to Barnes and Nobel, who gladly accept us.

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Again…I Say Rejoice!

Posted in FAITH, FAMILY and FUN, LIFE IN GENERAL / RANDOM RAMBLINGS, THE HIGH SCHOOL THEATRE CLASSROOM with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on October 12, 2008 by erikball123

Why is it that every time I want to rant about something…every time I find an opportunity to get nasty….every time I need to vent about how badly I was wronged….something swoops down and dissolves the mood? Can you believe I’m complaining that I can’t find an opportunity to be upset. That’s irony folks.

My apologies for not posting in a while. On the heels of a very exciting, very busy week, I find myself sitting in my church clothes on a Sunday afternoon…finally taking a breather. Ferris Bueller said, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around every once and a while, you could miss it.” True dat. Despite the fact that earlier this school year, at some point, I sneezed and found myself in the middle of October…I’m a week away from opening a musical….and I’m looking forward to the first official week of utilizing the new Chapel / Performing Arts Center as a fully functioning space….I think I should take time to talk about what makes me happy. (I’m about due. I looked at my previous blogs….Surgery, Death, Boo-Berry Cereal….sheesh. I’m one depressing dude!)

First and foremost, in the spirit of spreading joy…. Chick-O-Sticks….ever heard of ’em? I’m finding that alot of people haven’t. This is probably the most under appreciated candy bar ever. (I’d rank it up there right next to Jelly Beans as MOST under appreciated candy of all time. Not Jelly Bellies….darn that stupid buttered popcorn!!!!…..Jelly BEANS.) But, Chick-O-Sticks….I love them. They have a delicious, crumbly crunch and wonderful peanut butter taste, toasted coconut….they’re orange and have nothing to do with Chicken as the name would imply. Stinkin’ awesome. I find that if I keep one of these timeless puppies in my glove compartment…on those days when you just don’t know how to deal with life….a Chick-O-Stick makes life a little bit sweeter. (Figuratively and literally.) I don’t expect you to rush out and grab one, (But if you do, get me one!) but I would ask that the next time you see one….try it.

You know what else makes me happy. Seriously…RAFFI’S “Banana Phone.” It’s a stupid little children’s song that I happened upon when two of my students did a musical number routine to the song in full banana costumes for their Thespian Society inductions. I downloaded it and reserved a corner parking spot for it on my iPod. On shuffle, every now and then, I’ll stumble upon the song, and it instantly puts a smile on my face.

I love my dogs. We have four total. Two are officially Emily’s (because, quite simply, she’s laid claim to them) and two are mine…because they’re not Emily’s. Actually, that’s not totally true. Penelope the Pug is all mine. (A birthday present from 7-years ago.) I love her so much. She’s so…..simple. Like her papa. Everything is always brand new to her. There is never a clever moment for this pooch…and as they say, ignorance is bliss. She’s wild, snugly, noisy…and she’s all mine! My other joy is Beatrice. My 12-year old, blind, toothless, diabetic Chihuahua. She carries on like a headstrong senior citizen and shuffles through her every day with her little tongue sticking out. She’s my gummy bear. Dogs are funny. They’re completely dependent on you, they are loyal to the max, and they bring you such joy…a joy that cannot be described. I’ve actually talked to my dog while snuggling with her on the couch. Have you ever done that? At first you think to yourself…”what am I doing?”….then you figure “who will ever know?…then you realize “she’s actually listening to me.” Dogs are special because they do listen. They don’t know what you’re saying, but they will respond. Try to find another living thing that will immediately respond to you without hesitation or agenda, every time you look them in the eye. I look at my dogs in new ways everyday because of that.

I love performing. Yesterday we had a weekend rehearsal for “Beauty and the Beast” which is opening in a week out at Summerlin Library and Performing Arts Center. Click here for more info. (Hope you can make it!) Let me tell you something…trials and tribulations aside, there is something special about theatre. I was sitting next to my friend Kari (she plays Belle) and we were watching a scene onstage, and we talked about how there is nothing like theatre. Where else do you take something REAL, scale it up or down, dress it up really pretty, dissect it, analyze it…and then try it on for size…and then offer it to a willing audience? Where else can you find such raw dedication? (And the funny thing is, the audience accepts it!) There is just something magical about it. When two set piece are put together and suddenly you have castle doors. When a lighting effects stretches the imagination, and suddenly you’re in the woods. When a shift in dynamic accented with music, evokes emotions and suddenly the audience is a part of the “mob scene.” Dang…I love it. It’s hard stinkin’ work putting up a show. Time, effort, money…patience. Sheesh. But, at the end of the day, it’s something that was a part of you…and a part of the audience. You can never take that away. I’ll never be a pirate…but for one night I was Captain Hook. I may never see the Broadway stage, but for one night I was a choreographer in a chorus line. I may never be a gallant suitor…but for one night, I climbed a castle and fought a Beast! As long as I live, theatre will be very, very close to my heart.

I love my students. I have six classes, and I approach each of them VERY differently. Even the two sections of High School Drama…talk about different personalities and atmospheres. I always find it interesting how the time of day plays a huge part in how students approach work in class. Last block before they go home, for instance is very different than second block right before lunch. Teaching has its own rewards…especially in the way that it keeps you on your toes every second of every day. My Advanced Drama class is a unique one this year. It’s kinda hard to explain…allow me to try. Imagine a class of Juniors and Seniors (all of which you know very well…most of which you’ve worked with before onstage) and now put them right next to a group of students who may not have as much experience in performing, but NEED Drama class, because they are wildly creative people with passions that need to be expelled.  (Hey! There’s chocolate in my peanut butter! No, wait! There’s peanut butter in my chocolate!) Anyway…all of these kids I care about very much…but I’m finding myself struggling with them more than any other class. Not because they are bad, mind you. To the contrary…they all want to be a part of something good…and fun. But in heir varied (sometimes impulsive) efforts, the true ensemble effort gets lost in translation and the result is two camps…..ultimately generating two philosophies.

On one hand we have students who desperately want to WORK…..gnash teeth if necessary….to bring their craft to the next level. On the other hand, you have students who want to perform…and have fun doing it. Both groups want to be successful…but neither want the other group to “get in the way” (for lack of better words) of their efforts. A lot of the class/scene work is given a group, “ensemble” grade. Over the last few days, we’ve had to forgo the usual lessons to actually sit down and talk, as class. (Something I think is WAY underdone in classes today.) The results were very good. Everyone was forthcoming, everyone had an opinion…and now we’re working toward a better tomorrow, together.

Will it be perfect? I don’t anticipate that. But I do know this…where else can a teacher go to a “troubled” class and sit down with them…look them eye to eye, collaborate, and together….regroup. Even MENSA meetings wind up in arguments over why the Oreo cookies should be arranged in vertical rows and who owns the second series of NUMBERS. You see…I love my job. I know that, as a class, we’ll get there…and we’ll do it together. If we have to trample on the “routine” of teaching that class, and approach this self-disciple in a weird, awkward way to do it….so be it. I’m ready, and I have the privilege to work with students who WANT to get ready too.

I could go on: Grandmas, my wife’s smile, the smell of freshly cut grass and freshly pumped gasoline (I know, I’m a freak)….and there more! Plenty of stuff I have to be thankful for, and find great joy in. But I would like to end by mentioning something that I presented in a Children’s Chat at church today from Philippians 4:4-13. This scripture, which details the message Paul wrote from prison, reminds me that even in my darkest moment I can find peace in the Lord. I can turn to prayer and know He will hear. I have plenty to be thankful for and a multitude of things in my life that bring me great joy. But, I admit, I have sad moments…I hang my head low and think sad thoughts. During these times it’s a great comfort to me that the Lord is listening and He will help me cope.

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice!”

The Rest is Silence.

Posted in FAITH, FAMILY and FUN, LIFE IN GENERAL / RANDOM RAMBLINGS with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on September 22, 2008 by erikball123

I’m scared to die. They have an actual phobia for something like that, called Thanatophobia. Death is scary. Horror movies capitalize on the uncertainty and abruptness of it, while the majority of us are resigned to quietly wait for the day to come when we will rest in peace. For some reason, lately, I can’t do that.

Before I become a gloomy-Gus here…I hope my reputation will precede me as a joyful person who has a zest for life. I try to live each day to the fullest. But….well, I cannot help but think that one of these days I’m going to simply fall to pieces.

I’m fortunate really. No one in my immediate family has ever passed away. I remember my Great Grandma Bair dying and our family attending the funeral. I was very young. I recall accompanying my friend to a classmate’s funeral, but I was so removed from anyone in the room, the whole experience was very distant and cold. I remember the last two years at Faith Lutheran when a beloved senior girl died in a car crash, and an equally beloved young man took his own life. Two funerals in two years. And still…I felt removed.

It wasn’t until last week, when I attended a funeral for the spouse of one of my colleagues that I actually began rethinking about mortality. First and foremost…my friend and colleague is a very strong Christian woman, with an amazing family, and while I didn’t know her husband well, I know that the family remains heartsick and I continue to life them up in prayer. But, I think this whole shift of focus for me is also fueled, as I watch my beloved Grandmother age. In previous posts, (“I’m no Superman”), I detailed the recent scare my family endured when doctors wanted to have my Grandmother undergo surgery. Thinking it might possibly be cancer, everyone’s emotions were heightened. Those weeks sucked. I talked with Grandma often…we laughed…and I hung up the phone and cried. I recollected memories of us watching M.A.S.H. late at night after my coming home late from rehearsal in college. I remember the lunches Grandma packed for me when I’d go to class as a freshman in college, and the days I’d throw the majority of the contents away, because I was too cool for that. I hate myself for that now.

These scares as of late, these unexpected moments…have shaken my very firm foundation. I’ll be honest, for the first time in YEARS, I have a lot of questions…and fears.

You’ve heard it before. Those colorful people with snappy smiles quipping “I don’t want a funeral when I die! I want people to throw a party!” Blah, blah blah. What are you going to do, orchestrate it? Are you going to sit down next week and script out, organize and direct your own death party? No one is going to do that. And in the end, your family…thinking they know what’s best, WILL have a funeral for you. It’s a nice thought…but let’s get realistic here.

I’m not saying funerals are the way to go. I cannot grasp the REASON why we should have funerals. Closure? Perhaps…but death is pretty final, don’t you think? At least for now. Why does peering into a casket, or walking slowly down a aisle accompanied by snifflers dressed in black, toting Puffs Plus, help one to cope? How does letting it all out help one to cope? When there is unbelievable pressure behind a dam…the foreman doesn’t just say “let ‘er rip!” When a can of soda is shaken briskly…the thirsty drinker doesn’t just say, “oh, well…let’s pop it!” No, no, no. I think I would need to resolve myself to the fact that the person who is passing away is not walking through the door anymore. That person will never mutter another word.

Why on earth would I want to lay my eyes upon a casket? Forget about ever relying on me to identify someone involved in a tragedy, God forbid. I just simply couldn’t do it.

Am I scared to “go there?” I’m not sure. Do I lead a good life that I truly enjoy, and any reminder that this life on Earth will come to an end someday “darkens my days.” I suppose so. But, the funny part is…I still plug away. I manage to put my shoes on in the morning and make it through.

I pray a lot about this. I ask the Lord to please heal those who are sick, and bring comfort to those pained. I ask for more time, more patience, and swift reactions. I ask for a lot. Too much probably. But like a blind man needs his seeing eye dog to get from point A to point B…I need that prayer. I need that moment when it is just the Lord and me. I need that silence. Which is funny…because I’m a loud guy. I’m a talker with lots to say. I like loud music and crowds full of people. But the ONLY times I recall crying, are times when I’ve isolated myself or stifled my emotion in my hands.

I wish I had an answer. If any shrinks out there want to evaluate my melon…go for it. I’m sure there’s more that mere “fears” up there. But, the bottom line is, I really don’t care about the medical term, or the glossy definition of why I feel this way. More so, I just need….tomorrow.

When Jesus died on the cross, I wonder if He was thinking about tomorrow.  I like to think He was. I like to think the pain, the agony, the torture, the tears….were all stifled into that trust in tomorrow. Not even Jesus could predict exactly what would happen on that tomorrow but I think He had an idea…and more importantly He had faith.

I suppose my ashes should be spread on Broadway when I’m gone, right? Ha! Maybe I’ll do something creative with them, like flock a Christmas tree! Perhaps the BEST bet is to not worry about it. I know I won’t be worrying when I’m with my Lord in heaven. You’d think that a notion like that would be give comfort about the my fears of my wife, family and friends passing away, wouldn’t you? Funny…It doesn’t, really.

I suppose I’m just selfish. Caught up in a world of expected tomorrows, and overly paranoid yesterdays. For a guy who loves life so much, I sure do an awful lot of worrying.

My Grandmother’s test came back with good news. The old bird is up and puttering around her own home now, wearing the CROCS I got her. I expect her roller-skating and roofing the house in the next days. She’s something. My colleague friend is back to work and I gave her a hug in the office today. She looks good. I’m glad to see that she can go about her everyday again. Some say she’s at peace with things.

I’m okay, really. This post is going to come across as depressing, or self-loathing…but I swear I’m okay. Just thinking a lot. Just a bit selfish…a bit paranoid…a bit silly….and a bit fearful. But the fear of sharks never kept me out of the water, and I only have one life…I’m not going to waste it standing on the shore. I encourage you all to do the same. While the days may sometimes be long, and the paths we walk sometimes crooked…we’re never in control, we don’t know the outcome of this mystery novel, and the Lord will provide.

From MacBeth – Act. V, Sc. V – “Tomorrow, tomorrow and tomorrow, creeps in this petty pace from day to day, to the last syllable of recorded time; and all our yesterday have lighted fools the way to dusty death. Out! Out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow.”

Shakespeare’s so freaking cool!

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